ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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