I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just found a bag of teeth...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
