Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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