Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
