fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Randomize
