I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
