Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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