Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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