Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
