i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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