OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
