Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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