nut hugger
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
