i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
