Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
