we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
