i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
