it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize