we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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