Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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