Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
