so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
