Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?

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  (617): I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila? http://tfl.nu/4qsv
  Replies (1) Good night (1036) Bad night (580)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Tell her she can't have a vagina

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  (517): Tell her she can't have a vagina http://tfl.nu/krch
  Replies (3) Good night (952) Bad night (727)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.

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  (716): Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it. http://tfl.nu/yc12
  Replies (22) Good night (2690) Bad night (1935)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.

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  (414): I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay. http://tfl.nu/pwts
  Replies (214) Good night (12394) Bad night (3612)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.

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  (610): I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity. http://tfl.nu/4je5
  Replies (9) Good night (5210) Bad night (1042)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?

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  (709): How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship? http://tfl.nu/5n74
  Replies (33) Good night (2445) Bad night (4762)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...

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  (207): It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester... http://tfl.nu/gus9
  Replies (4) Good night (2815) Bad night (901)
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  (347): View more from New York

  So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.

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  (347): So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me. http://tfl.nu/ap85
  Replies (6) Good night (1850) Bad night (714)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.

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  (320): What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off. http://tfl.nu/fj7u
  Replies (12) Good night (2809) Bad night (981)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.

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  (770): Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this. http://tfl.nu/8f5s
  Replies (3) Good night (1100) Bad night (526)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.

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  (501): I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job. http://tfl.nu/8e8h
  Replies (10) Good night (2046) Bad night (685)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.

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  (941): Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants. http://tfl.nu/rame
  Replies (31) Good night (1361) Bad night (572)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom

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  (403): Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom http://tfl.nu/04zu
  Replies (2) Good night (1442) Bad night (513)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!

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  (573): Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go! http://tfl.nu/7mkv
  Replies (2) Good night (662) Bad night (326)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone says I win the strip club

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  (215): Everyone says I win the strip club http://tfl.nu/j5vl
  Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (262)

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