I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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