I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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