I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
