We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me