The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
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I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
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you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.