I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
