Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
