as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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