Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im part way to drunk.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wear drunk well.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
