yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
