I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
