The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sext me about skeletons
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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