Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
