Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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