I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
