There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
