U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
