i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize