I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
