so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
