He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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