living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
