Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
