There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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