I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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