just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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