She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
