Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
