oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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