I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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