The maid of honor just puked.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
