if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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