duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
