So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
