Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
