White coat. Heels.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
