I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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