I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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