I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
