Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
