come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
