I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
