I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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