..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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