I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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