Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
