my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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